Keep on keepin' on!

Sorry about the lack of updates this week. I've been working out pretty hard and thinking quite a lot - so by the end of the day I have lots to say but no real energy to sit down and type it out. We took the guys to the Natural History museum today and explored the dinosaur exhibits. It was such a nice break to just be together and enjoy the nice weather - AND - to have the desire to sit down and share some of my thoughts.

I've read through my last couple of posts and I feel like I need to at least acknowledge my lack of editing. Other people may not notice/care but I did major in English after all. Using the same word multiple times in a sentence is pretty obnoxious. Nevertheless, I do like how they really are my thoughts just pounded out and tossed out there. I'm trying not to be too self-conscious in my writing because if I do that, it becomes so stale. Honestly, it's hard for me to write about a lot of this stuff. I think a person who struggles with their weight is often seen/treated/stigmatized as being dumb/lazy/etc. and it's difficult to put myself out there like that. It's taken a lot for me to feel even a little proud of what I've accomplished weight-loss wise. Mostly I've just felt embarrassed that I ever got to that point in the first place - which is why up until recently it kind of felt like my dirty little secret. It's been liberating to own it and to take a moment to feel pleased with how far I've come. That probably sounds silly and logically, it is. However, all too often we forget about the importance of the process in the things that we are trying to do. Goals are often finite - a checklist where we can finish one and move on to the rest. I've been thinking a lot about the organic processes in life where we have to work day after day, not seeing much change but operating on the hope and faith that eventually so much work will amount to something.

I've thought a lot about charity. Charity, as defined by the scriptures is the "Pure love of Christ." My question is, how often do we try to develop charity for ourselves? So what is this pure love of Christ? For me, Faith + Hope = Charity. Faith in someone - faith that they can do Good and make right choices. Hope for them that they can build from where they are and continue on a path and become more than what they are today. Faith in and Hope for - because that's exactly what Christ has done by providing the Atonement and continues to do for each of us as we are supported in life. So shouldn't we then extend that same charity that we try to have for others to ourselves in all the things that we're struggling to accomplish? Faith in and hope for. Charity.

Another thing I've thought about is how weight loss is the physical expression of the repentance process. Everyone struggles with some form of temptation - something that appeals to the Natural Man in us. In a conversation with a friend earlier this week, she talked about how food is an addiction for her but that she's unsure of how to cope with an addiction to something that is necessary to survival. After all, you can't just go cold turkey on food. (So to speak.) This got me thinking about addiction vs. agency and how food plays into that equation. We don't want to have to live a Mosaic Law when it comes to food. Seriously. No one wants that. However, the real problem is that we get in to trouble any time we let the body control the spirit instead of the spirit controlling the body. Obviously, the body has needs. Rest, food, water, etc., etc. Yet, along with that body comes impulse and the desire for instant gratification. Impulse has no patience for process. As we learn to control our bodies, we are able to use them as tools rather than being placed at the mercy of our whims. We are able to act instead of being acted upon. Again, this is a process and sometimes we make mistakes or slip up. Christ knew that this would happen - he knew that we would struggle and by his Atonement made it okay for us to go through the difficult and painful process of betterment.

(Sorry if I'm getting long-winded here. Like I said, lots on my mind.)

Anyway, so back to my current situation. Often we slip up. We do things that are counterproductive to our goals and ideals. Hopefully, we recognize our self-defeating behaviors before we get too far down that path. We experience the desire to change and we turn to Christ with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We repent.

So, short story super long - part of our reason for being here is to learn to control our bodies and appetites - whatever those appetites may be. Personally, I have a wicked sweet tooth. This is something that I will struggle with for my whole life. I just will. However, as I approach my body and diet (not just the "I wanna lose weight diet." I'm thinking whole life.) from a spiritual perspective, moderation seems a lot more attainable and frankly, desirable. I'm able to keep my cravings in check because I see them for what they are - distractions from my goal. Distractions that have consequences, and not just ones that I have to deal with in the gym. If I lose focus, then along with the extra calories I get to deal with all the guilt and self-loathing that goes along with it. Nope. I'd rather keep moving along the path I'm already on.

I know this all probably sounds way-idealistic and maybe even a little militant. Don't get me wrong - there's room for comfort foods and treats and I have NO intention of living on bunny food for the rest of my days, all the while patting myself on the back for going without. I guess what I'm advocating is conscientious consumption where I know what I'm putting in my mouth, why it's there and the role that it plays in the bigger picture. Is this something that I really want or is this something connected to an emotion that I'm not dealing with? Is this really worth the calories or is there a suitable substitution that will ultimately be better for me? I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, serious props if you're still reading this. Like I said, lots on my mind... Until next time :)