Hey, Friends! I'm sorry for the long silence - in all honesty I just haven't felt like I had much of anything to say or report and I've been waiting to feel 'inspired,' I guess. I admire the cavalier way in which people throw what's happening along with a few pictures on their blogs as people comment and leave feedback on the awesomeness. The thing is, my life is pretty quietly awesome. There's not really anything big going on; not a whole lot that's "BREAKING NEWS!" and not a whole lot that I think of as particularly interesting to the masses. Long story short, I need to get over myself and my insecurities of not being cool enough for the blogosphere because those detail-y, quietly awesome things are the very ones I enjoy reading about on everyone else's blogs.
So I'm shifting my paradigm.
Welcome to my new journal. Maybe it's an English Major's occupational hazard but thinking about how to keep my readers interested in my subject material is pretty paralyzing. My life is too much like the movie "Groundhog Day." However, sometimes I'll see or hear things that I want to explore further, talk about or share. Sometimes I just want to be able to remember what I was doing that day. I guess in making my blog something for me and not being afraid of sounding too mundane, I'll be better able to share. Does that make sense?
Anyway, Hi. Welcome to me trying a new approach to things. After all, you only fail if you quit trying, right? So here we are. Again. :)
Logan started school this week! It's been an interesting thing leading up to it. I haven't felt surprised/shocked/miserable about it. It has felt like a very natural thing and he's been so excited. I try not to think too much about not being the epicenter of his universe anymore - because if I'm honest with myself, I wouldn't want to be. I shoot for Guide on the Side. The night we went to Meet the Teacher, we walked in the door of the school and were immediately greeted by an assistant who took him down to where his classroom was while all the parents were directed to the cafeteria for an informational meeting. They wanted the kids' first interactions with the classroom to be independent from their parents so that it felt normal and less anxiety-inducing when they were there alone the next time. It's brilliant psychology, really, but as I watched my precious, precious boy trot happily down the hall with some stranger without glancing back, I thought a lot about all of the hallways waiting for us in the future: schools, airports, MTC, marriage, eesh.
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." ~Elizabeth Stone
That pretty much sums it up. I was 99% glad that he didn't look back. He accepted fully that because we had handed him off, that he was safe. He trusted that he was in a good place where good things were about to happen with good people. (Fortunately, he hasn't changed his mind in the two days since school started!) That one little percent of me wanted to be needed, wanted him to want me there to help him feel safe. Suddenly, I understood that parental paradox of raising independent people. I've tried to keep a good game face going; tried to match his enthusiasm for going to school.
This, however, is a hard face to compete with. The thing that I love best about all that this picture conveys is GrrGrr - Logan's best buddy. The Hobbes to his Calvin, if you will. Logan will get older and bigger and cooler - far too cool to have his stuffed tiger ride on his lap to school because he doesn't want him to worry about where he'll be all day. But he'll always need that love and acceptance that GrrGrr represents - and that's where we come in - the GrrGrrs to his El Guapos.
Alright, I'm off to make dinner. That's another post for another day. My kids are epically picky eaters - in spite of my best efforts to the contrary. Right now, it's my El Guapo.
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